isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
