he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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