Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
