I'm going to jail i love you
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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