Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My first STD was from a foam party
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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