The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
