who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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