Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
