addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Randomize
