i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
