i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
