Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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