guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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