Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
