Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
