we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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