Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
