WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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