All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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