moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
