i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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