remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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