And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
