im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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