I just saw a hot homeless man
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
