why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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