We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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