Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
