The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
