Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
