I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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