Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
