I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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