I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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