Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
