haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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