David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
