In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
