i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
