She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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