so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
