you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize