So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
