my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
