im holly from the hills drunk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
