i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
