Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
