My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
