I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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