I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
