Yo dont text me then not text me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
