I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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