I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
