I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
