I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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