Four minutes until I can fart!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
