ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
