I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
