Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
