Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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