I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
