I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
