Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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