at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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