Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
