You smell like a Billy Joel song
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
