...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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