I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pants are for mortals
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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